Jessie Paege Goes In For the Kill With EP “You Can’t Kill Me”
“I’m not gonna let you turn me to a skeleton.”
There is nothing more powerful than finding music that you can relate to on a deeper level. Music that finds words where you cannot. A song like this can help you in so many ways, and for this reason it is so important for artists to make songs that have real meanings behind them. Music like this can help us heal and feel like we are not alone. Jessie Paege’s EP “You Can’t Kill Me” does just this by sharing her personal story in a beautifully chilling way.
Jessie Paege has been releasing music since 2019, but is best known for the content she creates on Youtube. With 1.54M subscribers and counting, she aims to inspire her viewers by sharing her story and struggles to provide help for many facing similar battles. The majority of her content relates to mental health, eating disorders, self acceptance and LGBTQ+ advocacy. She strives to share these ideals in the music she releases as well, providing listeners with a soundtrack to listen to as they navigate their own path.
Paege’s first release of 2021, “You Can’t Kill Me,” is no different in terms of being both inspiring and healing. The EP offers a peek inside Paege’s recovery from the eating disorders she has battled with throughout her life, while touching on toxic relationships, both with herself and with romantic partners. As a whole, the album has a very dark feel, honing in on the complexity of the topics discussed while delivering it in the way it would feel to those experiencing it for themselves.
Hell to me, heaven to you defines the relationship Paege had with her body vs. how others saw it. People would constantly describe her body as “heaven” or “perfect,” but to her it looked and felt like hell. The lyrics highlight the insecurities she felt regardless of what others would say. Musically, this track is the most upbeat song on the album featuring a faster tempo and 80’s inspired synths. The track closes with the following lyrics: “you stop and say, you're starting to see yourself the way I do.” This ending shows the transformation of how she viewed herself as she began to form a more positive relationship with her body.
The track Skeleton serves as Paege’s apology to her body for everything she has put it through. While the original release date of the song took place over a year ago, it would not feel right if it were not a part of this EP because of how powerful its message is in terms of eating disorder recovery. Skeleton is paired with a powerful music video that visually shows the struggles Paege had to break free from to fully apologize to herself and her body.
Spanning only 15 haunting seconds, finally feeling ok ends the album in a beautiful yet chilling way. An eerie piano piece builds to the question “but am I more afraid of finally feeling okay?” While this track isn’t really considered a song, it ends the album in a way that is so real for many who are struggling with eating disorders and mental illnesses. The thought of feeling okay is terrifying in the sense that it means you are living free of the control your mind has put over you. It means letting go of the fight you are having with yourself to look or act a certain way. In 15 seconds, Paege encompasses the internal dialog that bounces around in the heads of those seeking recovery who feel as though they will lose a bit of themselves if they heal. While the road ahead may look scary, in the end there is nothing more beautiful than the peace that comes with recovery.
Eating disorders affect at least 9% of people worldwide and are among the most deadly mental illnesses. “You Can’t Kill Me” is a powerful EP that opens the conversation for the approximate 28.8 million Americans who are struggling and their loved ones. It is important for the thoughts and feelings of those affected to be recognized and heard, and this album does a fantastic job at making them feel like they are not alone.
If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) offers free services to help you get on your road to recovery. For more information, visit https://anad.org/get-help/ or call their Eating Disorder Helpline at (888)-375-7767.
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